the.un.announced

2008-12-27T22:39:00.002+08:00

it really is far too long since i last blogged.
didnt really bother.
didnt really care.
its like who give a shit about what im gonna post anyway.
the world still spins.
and im like god damn fucking emo right now.
as emo as an ostrich with one leg.
pathetic.

the tears fall
as she opens the door
walking down the hall
with the paintings on the wall
the spiders and lizards crawl

the tears fall
as she cuddles on the floor
looking up towards the wall
as the moor in the painting calls
the spiders and lizards crawl

the tears fall
as she stares blankly at it all
with waste piled up tall
seething with anger so raw
she starts rummaging to its core

the tears fall
as she searches like a boor
her fingers turning gore

the tears fall
as she lay sprawled on the floor
the spiders and lizards crawl

~sharon

2008-06-22T02:54:00.010+08:00

before

why are we waiting.......

and then the rice came

finally.

all mine!!!!

fonn's testicles; and she thought my fishhead was gross

as always.

--------------------------------------------------

this is Annie.

she's the one who bought me my Fuzzy.

celebrating Sabrina's bday today.

i witnessed death today................literally

2008-05-30T21:17:00.002+08:00

of a stray dog. yeah i know...nothing peculiar about a dead dog. but i saw it went like

BAM.....

in front of a lorry.
and

ran over FOUR freaking times by passer-vehicles.
and

i dragged it away from middle of the road to the side.
dragged.....really.
with the blood oozing out from the mouth and all.
and

the worst is i have to bear the knowledge of having petted it before today's accident.

its a super nice but newbie stray alright....

i was waiting for 169 back to yshun and Sam whose last day of work at Candid is tommorow, was waiting on the other side.
and he was wondering why i didnt board my bus when it arrived.

next thing we knew, we were dragging it.

if i were alone then, yes i would take a picture (but not without sorrow okay?...)
Sam's a really nice guy. too bad it's his last tommorow.

im going to check back the spot tommorow.

stupid lorry driver.
and silly dog. for standing in the middle of the road so often.

2008-05-04T19:04:00.003+08:00

wishing i was out at clubs instead of cramming project work and getting the most of it done in mere few hours.

wishing BF would love sushi or food as much as i do so i dont have to constantly suppress my cravings to wait for the right moment and company without obligations.

wishing i didnt have to balance and priortise through school, work and fun.

wishing the world would remember me even as im having fun. seemingly only strict, boring, and routined achievers seem to be historised.

wishing everything would just fall into place and turn out fine without having to do anything.

wishing i could just do something differently without having to affect your PR and moods.

wishing everything done wont be impolitely jugdged and misunderstood.

but then you realise that all these are just plainly SELFISH.
how does one live out the selfish desires and not have the undesired ripple effect to everyone or thing around you?
where you wont lose your friends in the process, or have bad reviews.

and yet you cant please the whole world.
but what if it pleases no one too? not a single being.

can an extrovert personality be prisoned in an introvert's life?
like theres so much energy just about to burst out.
sense of relief
of freedom
of hope
of unspoken forgiveness

and yet crushed with loss.

im actually looking forward to the congress on Monday.
when i can finally get out of the routine and have chitchats with ppl i have never met.
plus buffet lunch!
what a punch.
food and people. <3s
plus half day at work. double <3s

and my spoilt phone! freak NOKIA on/off button. this is not my first encounter with the button issue.
it can go STRAIGHT IN if pushed too much.
shouldnt Nokia upgrade to a different kind of on/off mechanism?

and its N95! what a freaking waste.
sending it for repairs means i may lose all the data. such trouble.

and i want the compact Vaio laptop!
but its like some 3k.
too bad BF doesnt double as a sugardaddy.

no more mushrooms i hope

2008-04-06T13:00:00.003+08:00

finally its done.
an update!!! whoots.

thought the green fungi background looks good.
since my blog ALWAYS rot once a while anyway so it should look good at the same time too.

summary:

-currently pursuing HRM at SHRI (you figure the initials out yourself)
-went to Sentosa to chill with the X-Hope girls
-meet up with Liza Banana for Fish & Co treat (yup! that means free food for me!)
-hanging out with BF deliciously everyday(well almost and as much as i possibly can)
& that BF thing going in there soon

overall, i feel really really good.

not because BF will now be mostly missing from my everyday life! (i WILL miss him. dont you challenge that thought...)

but because all that happens reflects a lot in moving on. i used to fear the unknown future.
now im relishing in the experience!

it makes me feel ALIVE.

cheers to that.

2008-01-24T15:10:00.000+08:00

never good at relationships. clumsy at it even.

only a fool who desire nothing else but to make things right every time it starts to twist.

every time it happens, trying to set it right.

even if it means suppressing it all.
even if it not in character.
even if it was all just empty obedience for the mere sake of smoothness.
it was well worth.

a test of tolerance and deceit.

from it all ever rising.
from it all growing and learning.

trot down memory lane

2008-01-22T19:56:00.001+08:00

now this will be a very brief summary of what happened throughout the days of trying to spice up my boring working life.
now that the days of over 60 hours of work a week is over, let's recap:

12dec2007 -a very very personal complaint (for fun & laughter) :

>>To whom it may concern,
>>
>>
>>
>> I patronised your restaurant at Ang Mo Kio with a friend on the 12th of
>> December at 5.45pm. The number of tables occupied at that time was around
>> 7, including ours. We ordered our food at 5.50pm, and our starter was
>> served to us at 6.15pm by an extremely impolite waitress by the name of
>> Sharon Toh. She hesistantly placed our dish on the table without asking
>> whose was it, and went off to chat merrily with her collegues. Our main
>> dishes arrived 15 minutes after the first course was served, and to our
>> dismay, it was below the standard that we were expecting. Given the time
>> we waited for the dishes, the quantity served was minimal, and the
>> quality was unsatisfactory. We ordered one Lobster Chicken Mushroom Pizza
>> with, at most, one piece of lobster meat in the entire pizza. The other
>> dish we ordered, Lamb Chop, was overly cooked and hence hard to chew on.
>> We did not pursue the matters at that point in time to the female manager
>> because we were rushing off to another destination after having waited
>> for almost 40 minutes for our food to arrive, and the manager seems
>> oblivious to our presence perhaps due to the many other senior patrons
>> around which make us seem unimportant. I hope this is not a case of age
>> discrimination as I believe Jacks Place practices equal high standard
>> services to all its patrons regardless of spending abilities.
>>
>>
>>
>> To end off our first visit to Jacks Place, having made payment at the
>> cashier to the same waitress Sharon Toh, she rudely placed our change and
>> receipt on the table without any eye contact and instead seem distracted
>> talking to her collegues.
>>
>>
>>
>> We hope to be repeat patrons of Jacks Place and as such I hope whomever
>> concerned will look into this matter and take the necessary actions.
>>
>>
>>
>> Regards,
>>
>> Exxx Txx

the guy obviously remembers me [and only me] well. im truly flattered. ^-^

for your info, they didnt really do anything about it ;)
and i didn't tender because of this by the way.

17dec2007 -celebrating Fon's 17th bday @ DXO

den Marina Square Yuki Dinner with Hamster & Fon:

and our fried ice creams again!!!

3 girls & 10 cups of ice cream

24dec2007 -EskiBar Night

ended up having supper at some very-expensive-not-value-for-money sidewalk restaurant
vincent was like 'alamak' for his pineapple rice
mine was a freaking $12 of Crab Meat Fruit Salad

Fred, Vin, Serene, Hamster, Fon & Moi

like toy soldiers

-----------------------------------

all in all, chinese new year is coming and that means lion dance all day long!! whoot!

i wont miss these from work

'thought' it out loud

2007-11-29T01:32:00.001+08:00

it was a plush-NOT-day.
fonn was not feeling the vibe so we ended up roaming the streets.

the cheaters!
and to think i cabbed.

emo me
emo irene

dumb lasses

ccol find! it just 'ploop' out from the bridge. serious.

-----------------------------------

OMG. im getting weaker by the day.
i should start psycho-ing myself anytime now.

this is SO not my usual tough me.

2007-11-27T02:42:00.000+08:00

thinking a lot lately.
reminiscing a lot lately.
pondering, wondering a lot lately.

complaining to myself all the time over little things that cut me within.

the first one made me cringe.
the second made me teared.

the third just made me SO mad.

if only everything was a game.
just die and restart.
just keyboard and mouse.
just guides and cheat codes.
just one click and its done.

why the excessive effort to fix things when you know you have to move on when everything crashes.

the 'lessons' that you 'taught' me, i learnt were never true, merely twisted.

how dare you. you fucked it all up.
all the bads just escalated to an ultimate level.

'Give me a break'?
dont worry. im doing further than that.

you want empty obedience?
the more you want it the more i wont let you have it.
i will give you what you dont want instead.
empty rebellion.

no hard feelings.

there are so many bombs i wanna drop.
but who's gonna clean up the remains after that?

-----------------------------------

Plush tomorrow. good.
shall cam-whore and dance my stress out.

everything else is draining me.
i need a break.
i need a break more than you.

sucky shit-ness

2007-11-26T03:43:00.000+08:00

the following photo is dedicated to fon [for promoting my blog on hers -_-"] :

a picture shows a thousand words
need i say more?

i could have sworn all the bad stuff started from them.

nothing beats spilling cup noodle soup on your mattress bed and floor while trying to swat a moth.

ended up using up my tissue box to let it suck up the soup

why didn't i just use a cloth?
because im lazy washing it.

just plain stupid

ONE EFF-ING DOLLAR!!!
and the whole thing cost some twenty dollar and not to mention i have to bring it home from the shop.
what can i do with just $1?!?!?!
gimme a hundred at least! or $10?
im satisfied with $10. why is it not a $10.

i want SERENITY. if only......

cracking

2007-11-24T04:15:00.000+08:00

no one likes empty obedience.
if it's just continuously its lifeless.

why dont you find a corpse then?

im immature. yes. but define your maturity level please.
im being princes-sy. yes. everyone gets selfish once in a while. even you.

work is a shit hole. even toilet breaks are to a bare minimum. like one the whole day.
then it's bills, paperwork, bills, cake orders and even more bills.

it's only tolerable when BF fetches me from work.

but its the 10th day already.
i must stay strong.

for the rest of the month, there's still :

plush with the girls
painting my room
Batam trip
cny preparation and the lion dance letterhead

am i missing anything else?
i miss my life of fun. life of freedom.

and mostly him.

.x. REBIRTH .x. @ CLUB PLUSH

2007-11-24T04:10:00.000+08:00

Brought to you by:
THE AVALANCHE PRODUCTIONS

Rebirth @ Plush
27th November 2007
The Final Showdown
The Last Mixed-Aged At Club Plush.

Door opens: 10pm – 4am
Priority Entry for FEMALE ONLY.

We know you want to party.
Its going to be a happening night,
Because club plush is the perfect place,
For ladies to flaunt their stuffs.
And guys to be bewitched.

Once again, we repeat!
PRIORITY ENTRY for FEMALE.
So you hot stuffs wont have to wait for hours.
And please remember to bring your girlfriends along!
The dance floor will be extended like never before in any mixedage partys!

The Agency
Bringing you young and talented Artists.
Quality Music and Entertainment.
Featuring:
Surprise deejays and mcs!
( news will be released upon further notice!)

Intrigue Visuals & Urbanova
Will be down with their media,
Taking photographs and videos.
Their Fashion Show Agents will be down,
Scouting to spot the potential models!
Photos and Videos will be uploaded onto,
( www.urbanova.sg ) log on for more information!

NOTE! ( Applicable for 18yrs and above only!)
Very Attractive drink deals that night,
How can you resist such great rewards!
When they are being presented right infont of you!
( enquire for more details people. )
( Purchasing bottles will entitle waivers and a reserved table! )

**Special drink deals**
2hours of 1 for 1 special deals

1st hour 10pm-11pm will be 1 for 1 per glass and jug both alcoholic and non alcoholic

2nd hour will be randomly placed after 12 am .

*Special Bottle deals*

Whiskey going @ 120sdg

----------------

Media Supported by:
- Intrigue Visuals
- Urbanova.sg

Entertainment supported by:
-The Agency

Photo I.D. above the age of sixteen is required to enter club.

msia-ing with the girls

2007-11-20T10:27:00.000+08:00

19112007 Monday

on the bus to the checkpoint

irene and i
fon: argh! the Xtra background. [she meant the black guy, so racist of her.]

curry fish head!!!! what we came here for!

its so obvious we liked it.
irene and i shared and we emptied ours.
[fon and huixin are fake lovers of it, they are just influencing.]

choc fudge. its pathetic there.
bananas, grapes, mini strawberries and even super mini mash mellows.
[note: fon's finger is just so additional, it's so her to disturb the food]

fried ice cream only @ 2.70 RM and banana boat @ 6.90 RM.

the mess of us!

Huixin: the proudest, she's super skilled at eating
Irene: acceptable
Fonnis: *shakes head* its so her
ME: im okay alright! ice cream melts, its perfectly understandable

Thai Massage! another reason we came. Half body massage @35 RM
super good deal

they have to wash our feet first.
i actually shouted, its ticklish you know.

massage parlour ; shower room

super big lolly

aloe vera.
everything is like super big here.

fon: the rubbish bin for food

the chicken cutlet was not sliced at all
just *plat*. one big piece with bone and all.

we did our best and actually worked for our meats which wasn't a lot.
there was more skin -_-"
soggy skin.... @ 5.50 RM

it's like lelong for bikes.
but its a bikepark.

another off day without BF. i miss him.
over and done.

buffet !!!

2007-11-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

met up with the girls on my off at Chongpang to sell her Nokia phone. Lucky Fon picked up a Samsung U600/700 in the toilet. -_-"

She's getting a treat from her Vincent brother at Yuki Something too. Yuki Sushi? Huixin and i tagged along.

babes at the busstop, lols

at Yuki Marina. we got to COOK ice cream!!! which is super cool. i think everyone should try it.

big frying pan thingy

15112007
was painting my wall when i got a green visitor.
a beetle's that green! im so proud i killed it.

shit them darkened invaders

2007-11-09T03:41:00.000+08:00

from Fon's blog:
sharon's and fonnis' philosophy:

prata makes one horny
curry makes one lust
the cheese makes one high
sugar makes one go kuku

yes yes yes. so who's up for prata dates with me? lols.

deepavali today! fon's Disaster Day. i can see why.

ass black story one
Black: What promotions do you have? Like any discounts with banks?

Lynn: Sorry sir. We dont have any such promotions. Also it's a PH so discounts and vouchers are not valid today sir.

Black: Is it? Then what set meals or promotions do you have? Can i take a look at the menu?
(takes menu himself)

Lynn: Current promotions for Jackpot Scratch & Win Redemption Card only.
(points out page from menu)

(Black gives a face)
Black: Oh, it's so not value for money. I like having those that are value for money. You know like Oriental Hotel? They have these buffets promotions that are of value.

Manager walks by and assists Lynn.

Manager: Yes sir? Can i help you?

Black: Huh?

Manager: Sir, do you want to take a seat while you browse the menu?

Black: You are very irritating you know? The lady was serving me and you cut in like that.

Manager: She's a waitress and there's a customer calling. So i will take over and assist her. Do you want to take a seat sir?

Black: Can you stop humiliating me and asking me to take a seat? .....
(Manager cuts in)
Manager: Sir, in what way am i humiliating you? Im inviting you to take a seat. Im not humiliating you. I invite you to take a seat. Invite.

Black: (changes topic) In any case, how come Jack's Place doesn't have buffet like some hotels? Cause' i live nearby here, and if i have to drive to the hotels just for the buffet which is more for money you see. It's really troublesome.

Manager: Sir, Jack's Place is a stand-alone outlet. Hotels uses the buffets promotions to draw in more guests to their dine-in. But their focus are still mainly on stay-ins. The buffet promotions enhances the stay in the hotel you see. Hotels and restaurants have their own different policies.

Black: Oh i see, hmm. Never mind. Because im really into those value for money meals. Thanks.
(Finally he leaves.)

bloody hell. what value-for-money shit. no money pay say lah. dont even bother to step in and give us so much trouble mah.
bloody hell stupid chicken, it's JACK'S PLACE for serious sake.
compare with hotel for what seh.

ass black story two
these two brothers pf blacks had to complain and comment that the restaurant staffs were irresponsible because the power trips keep occuring.
like it's our freaking fault.
like we want the power trips.
silly people.

there were power trips during dinner peak hours since the renovation, it's perfectly understandable that the restaurant is still under going some function errors.

most of the power trips and blackouts probably happened because the surrondings were to blackish anyway.hmph.

im not discriminating la. im just bumped.

just knowing

2007-11-07T00:30:00.000+08:00

one passed me at the bus stop. and i couldn't help but smile to myself.
the feel of awareness and assurance is just all so great.

saw one more at the traffic light.
and for the very first time i wanted to see more of it.

and i couldn't help but laughed out aloud at the sight of the third.

2007-11-02T23:58:00.000+08:00

-01112007 Thursday-

i saw it this morning when i looked out of my room window. and for a second i doubted.

is intuition ever wrong?

Yishun Safra Eatzi was fun. but prim and proper.

i dont like the cameras.

yes, intuition are wrong sometimes.

-02112007 Friday-

there were no sights of ambulances today.

there's so much i cant say. the thoughts are there in my head, just never spoken.

honesty hurts that much.

when are you ever ready? i am anxious.

everything upgrades and changes all around

2007-10-31T11:15:00.000+08:00

something i've gotten myself. i feel accomplished. =p

finally the N95 !!! whoot!

29102007 Monday
the day before the renovation of AMK Jack's Place. the last outlet to be upgraded.

we proudly present we are closed !!!

the number of freaking spoons i had to count.

i wished i could bring all these home for free.

Lynn & my teacher, Norlin.
they wanted to take amidst the boxes.

do you see what i see? lols
wonder where they got it.

my cake counter!!! ahh!!!

tearing everything apart.
not sentimental at all. this part was fun.

within two hours. almost everything gone.

Bikash was being traditional. He wants this as memo.
caught Uncle Wong reminiscences.

still my favourite item after the unpacked.

-------------------------------------

headed to lion dance and chalet after that.

the chalet outlet was crap.
no shops without having to walk.
no arcade without having to walk.
no place else to go without having to walk. yucks.
no fun.
it was the people around you that makes it fun.

WSheng putting out a the charcoal pit.

he has fallen!
lols, from troupe chief head to cleaner.

bleed it out to throw it away

2007-10-16T10:26:00.000+08:00

Yesterday
decided to take an impromptu trip to Expo's current fair: Art and Thots.

something like that anyway, its a furniture showcase. a lousy one.

mostly of SOFAS.
i dont want sofas. i want bedroom sets.
and wardrobes.

visited Fon on her first day at Gap Vivo and dropped by Starhub conveniently.
N95 on Thursday! Yeah.
finally a new gadget after months from my M(Red).
liberating.

ended up watching a fashion runway walk with her. SFW 2007.
i didn't even know it's fashion week there. so outdated of me. =.=

Toast-boxed supper after that.
i actually wished BF was there to help me crack my eggs. (*lols* this sounds wrong.)

i bought conditioner without getting it. my first.
makes me so mad.

♥ i used to think love was for the weak. im wrong.
love actually makes one weak.
me anyway.
relationships' making me eff-ing wrong.
just so wrong.

just because im philanthropic doesn't mean you can push me over and rib my saintly self out.

and for the record:
you would black out if blacks blackened your days with their black self.

rain rain rain on me please

2007-10-15T12:03:00.000+08:00

one curses difficult customers with diarrhea.
one is enjoying Hari Raya now.
one has a soft spot for compliments.
one chews on stapler leads literally.
one is being unfaithful.
one is shorter and cuter than me.
one cant help much as a 'kind' citizen.
one is Nepalese and likes chili padi.
one is worst than my mother with depression.
one is slow witted but in any case a better waitress than others.
one works on quiet days.
one asks a lot of questions.
one is constantly stealing food from the kitchen.

one is me.

it's my off day and im blogging about my work mates.
what's wrong with me?

i need some money.
anyone?

i miss BF. i cant believe me.
im getting so weak.
trying to psycho myself with different mentalities. ♥s. guess i will just have to give in to myself now and then.

2007-10-14T00:44:00.000+08:00

finally got the cork off, breaking my cork screw in the attempt.
sipped wine and slept.

the sense of trail and error.

sometimes it's best if we take a step back.
trying to embrace the space between us.
trying to get back on proper footing.
trying to continue where im at.

likely said, there's too much expectation attached.

if i sat around and daydreamed my time away, i would feel much better.
i am so fond of daydreaming and me reminiscing.

i see her walking down the stairs and i wished it wasnt her sometimes.

i am being silly-ly sentimental.

----------------------------------------

Cipto is crappy. and lame. and moronic sometimes. but he brightens my day.
really.

he's Indonesian.

it doesnt matter which country you are born in.
humans are humans.
no duh.

i wish he was a Singaporean though. makes things a lot easier.

her

2007-10-14T00:36:00.000+08:00

no she's not evil.

or stupid.
or silly.
or wrong.
or unjust.
or any different from yesterday.

she's just being true to herself.

you have no right to judge her.

or change her.

fuck them jurors and policies.

2007-10-14T00:29:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY SHERMAN!

tomorrow. yep yep. and where's Janet when you need or want her.
lets go celebrate with him together shall we.

JANET WHERE ARE YOU?

------------------------------

1. The phone rings, who do you want it to be?
* someone to crap with.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
* duh. i want my one dollar back leh.

3. If you had to kiss the last person you kissed again, would you?
* yes, there's no one else to.

4. Do you take compliments well?
* no. im SHY.

5. Do you play Sudoku?
* that's like maths. only if there's nothing else to do.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness would you survive?
* yes yes yes. im rambo.

7. Who was the one you slept with last nite?
* the ghost in my room.

8. Who do you call up the most?
* myself.

9. Favorite childrens book?
* huh?

10 . Current worry?
* handset voucher.

11. Current hate?
* what the hell.

12. If your life could do it over again,start from scratch, would you?
* think what, computer game arh? nope, too tiring.

13. Any secret admirers?
* dont need to know.

14. When was the last time you were at Botanic Garden?
* long long time ago.who wants to know?

15. Favorite ex?
* erm. (laughs)

16. Where was the furthest place you travelled?
* Australia. whee.

17. Do you like mustard?
* yes.

18. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
* non-preference. i like both.

19. Do you miss anyone?
* yes. you.

20. Can you do splits?
* omg.

21. What movies do you want to see right now?
* Jesus Camp. serious.

22. What did you do for New Years Eve?
* Visiting relatives and lion dance. what else.

23. Do you think The Grudge was crappy?
* no.

24. Do you own a camera phone?
* doesn't everyone?

25. Are you a cheerleader?
* im not that thin.

26. Whats the last letter of your middle name?
* e?

27. Do you like care bears?
* nope. i dont like Pooh too.

28. What do you buy at the Movies?
* movie tickets and popcorn.

29. Do you know how to play poker?
* yes.

30. Do you wear your seatbelt?
* no. i dont wear it.

31. What do you wear to sleep?
* a pillowcase. =.= moron, what a stupid thing to ask.

32. Anything big ever happen in your CITY?
* like what, King Kong or Godzilla?

33. Is your hair straight or curly?
* wavy.

34. Is your tongue pierced?
* nope. never tried.

35. Do you like Liver and Onions?
* how about Kuay Chap?

36. Do you like funny or serious people better?
* both, at the right place and at the right time only.

37. Ever been to L.A.?
* no

38. Who is on your mind right now?
* myself. fonnis. sherman. BF.

39. any plans 4 tonight?
* yes.

40. Whats your fav. song at the moment?
* Like This -Mims

roller coaster day

2007-10-07T01:44:00.000+08:00

up and down today.

anger. frustration. joy. sadness. panicky. rushed. tiredness. hunger.
what else.
felt it all today.
what a day.

no sight of ambulances today too.

blow me away.

someone supply me with grenades of energy please.
for both brain and bod.
and neck. for my stiff neck.
and finger. for my hardened index.
and cockroaches. so they can tire themselves dead.

i see one every freaking day at work.
yucks.

i wish cockroaches could die from growing out feelers.
this way they dont get to live long.
this way they dont get to grow and populate.

im being so bombastic.

racists all flock together.
i'm thinking if im not one and fon is.
my brother's not one and my BF is.

and i give them credit for being smart.
and being humans.

but what they themselves are racists too?
and they do jokes of us.
and call us Chinese yellow skinned monkeys?
or papaya-brained vain pots?
or hairless money freaks who stupidly spend money to try win money?

freak them.

are animals racists?

im thinking too much.

out it comes

2007-10-07T01:40:00.000+08:00

we become what we are through the choices we make.
im not sure of what i would become living my life with you.

i realised that im stronger without you.
Or perhaps because i dont rely so much on you as i do when im with you.
thats how much i trust u.
thats how much of bricks i have to kick down from my wall for you.

i lose my stranglehold over my emotions when im with you.
i was never easily embarrassed. or angered. or feared. or cared.
now, i do care. and fear. and try too hard not to pretend.

i never panicked. being boringly cool-headed.
laughing at all the wrong times.
thinking someone getting dengue fever is cool instead of caring.
thinking being in prison would be interesting.
thinking that no one bothers about whether you get enough sleep in a day or not.
thinking that everyone is too caught up in their own life.

in fact, everyone is. living their own life.

i pitied myself when u apologise. i really do.
and u always knew when to say it.
hearing those words makes me weep.

i feel so wrong.
and messed up.

2007-10-05T08:12:00.000+08:00

interesting night last two days ago.

BF was sick when he came to fetch me from work. and we slept outside my house. literally. for 2 whole hours.

my first time sleeping at the doorstep. everyone should try it.
makes you realise what comfort really is.

its the aspirins i gave him for his headaches.

and then it was my turn yesterday.
took an mc for work. my first proper 8hours of sleep after so long.
i felt good.
had prata for dinner with BF.

this Indian man actually said he was handsome. he was all smiles after that but wouldnt admit it.
using neat as an excuse. how lousy is that.
he's so darn vain.
one fine day i will make him admit to that.

im up early because my left side neighbour made a commotion through banging on my right side neighbour's door.

i think the right side's cat went into the left side's house or something.
something like that. okay, thats so confusing.

I try : feeding a lizard with ants. they dont eat ants. =|

I know : how to make you blush. im good at it. ^-^

I want : little but expect a lot.

I wish : someone would throw me a roll of toilet paper when i need it. [note: this is a metaphor.]

I hate : desperadoes and old sickos who treats girls like sex toys.

I miss : school when u can pon anytime you want. u cant pon work.

I fear : white lies. they may not be entirely white.

I hear : cats cry in my neighbourhood at night.

I search: for the answers for the unexplained.

I believe: that some bangladesh workers in Singapore are actually smart people with degrees and certificates. really.

I wonder : about whether some boy bands and pop stars are gay.

I regret : over nothing. everything is a lesson learned.

I love : bus rides.

I care : about animal rights. but im not vegetarian.

I always : thought blankets are for the weak. im wrong.

I cry : when i feel like crying.

I fight : with angels and devils.

I write : rubbish and impromptu thoughts. can.

I win : no matter what. Hmph. =.=

I lose : weight if i stop having supper with BF and less prata and steamboat with Fon. really.

I confuse: people with my innocence.

I listen: to BF's snores and thinks girls should snore too. its cute.

I need : to go to work later. such a bore.

I breath : through my nose u moron.

I should : stop thinking that money and time is never enough.

I dream : in weird metaphors.

I feel: drained from work.

I am not : a bangla lover.

2007-09-30T04:16:00.000+08:00

no, it's not my off day. but only because there's lion dance in the wee morning. going straight to work straight after.

off on Monday. the same day BF needs to do his report.

long story short: some 'friend' decided to try putting the troupe behind bars.
in any case, BF is affected too.
he's been pretty bumped about the whole betrayal and is kind of avoiding the people involved and the headaches along with it.
can't blame him.

brief recap of the past few weeks:

8Sep2007 Saturday
met up with XiaoTong and BF earlier to slack around White Sands Pasir Ris before heading to Costa Sands.
early celebration for Ann's birthday on 12th.
BF is way weird. he is his own entertainment. give him a tissue paper and he can entertain himself with it for at least 15 minutes.
no joke.

put a bunch of boys together and this is what you get ----> Mr. Sweet Potato Head.

Ah Guang's idea. pure cold lameness.

18Sep2007 Thursday
the group of us suddenly decided to play with candles, a few days before Mooncake Festival.
everyone else was forming hearts and initials and campfires.

i tried a dragon. not bad for my first try. coolios to me. somebody give me a medal please.

Different lighting. Nice.

25Sep2007 Tuesday
bumped into Cheryl at AMK Hub so we went to Fon's house to slack.
and no, my blog is not rotting. it's hibernating.

26Sep2007 Wednesday
finally and off day. the reason to spend more time with BF.
was suppose to be a steamboat day. but BF didnt have the appetite for such a big meal.

went to IKEA Qweensway instead. got me this soccer pillow. real cute.
Vivo-ed for dinner.

i want more off-s. but who am i kidding. everyone wants more off days.

work work work every other days. its freaking tiring.
and pratical. and predictable.

Martin celebrated his relative's birthday at Jack Place last night.
nice to see an ex-schoolmate once in a while.

caught up

2007-09-04T00:56:00.000+08:00

in the drama of my life. hence the lack of updates.

lion dance tomorrow. cant wait. lion dance means another day of perspiration. i love that. good workout plus gets me fired up instead of lazing around.

just finished dinner with BF and bloated like a water balloon.
he keeps feeding me.
two hours after a meal he'll be asking me whether im hungry again or not.
i love food but eating god-knows how many big meals a day is scary. especially when they are all paid for by someone else.

i know i shouldnt be complaining at all. at least he cares. and tries his best to keep up with my life and makes sure i dont starve.
i should appreciate him more. sometimes i think im not good enough for him.

is it even possible? is anyone else in a relationship feeling that way?
that you may not be good enough for him and that he deserves someone better?

he is having a tummy ache now and here i am blogging.
blogging!
i really would go over his place trying to nurse him instead of blogging.
but we are not at that stage yet plus his parents dont like people visiting. and i keep telling myself soon. we are taking things a step at a time.

anyway, for the past few days... ...

02092007 Sunday

my first time watching a getai performance.

and i actually enjoyed it.

its like a concert, only more chinese-ey. with dialects and all. and at under-blocks.

didnt quite understand most of the jokes on stage but the singers were good.

old and as young as Primary 6. which is like what, 13 years old?

i wish i had that much funk in me for stage performances.

i get stage fright.

i dont enjoy people staring or looking at me.

bumped into Mei Lin at Mac before that. Got some update about Gee Gee, an old schoolmate.

mother of a daughter now.

this year is a huge year of change. everything up and going and more things different.

01092007 Saturday
seventh month prayers. the ghost month that is.
the troupe had this praying deck fixed up. buffet, buckets of the 8 items for the month's blessings and those sort.

met up with BF for lunch first before joining them. Friday night was spent guarding the deck. technically only Ah Liang and Ah Bao looked after it. (BF and i sort of hanged around at a nearby void deck. sorry, guys for ditching you. ) lucky me got to sleep while they chiong through the tireless day.

the whole Saturday was spent fooling around at the void deck.

Elvin with our super sized air bubble. Teamwork.

A game of marbles. Elvin's idea.

Dinner with BF.

31082007 Friday

stood in for Fon again today and got this really really nice cabby on my way back.

i was on my way to Nelson's Bar at Sembawang and i cabbed there from Sembawang MRT.
never mind that he took a wrong turn. he drove me there, and when i changed my mind of going, he drove me back to Yishun. i was asking him to drop me off at Sembawang instead because i didnt have enough for the ride.

he decline and said he didnt mind driving me home.

total meter fare: $10.80

total paid by me: $5.00

is he nice or what.

an almost free ride.

he made my day. =) cheers to him.

push push push

2007-08-30T01:08:00.000+08:00

standing in for Fon at her pushcart and squeezing in two interviews tomorrow. its going to be a long day plus im not sleeping tonight.

i love the kind of days where you just push yourself with as much as you possibly can with however much energy you have left in your body.

had steamboat at this hawker in Bugis with Ching and her boyfriend earlier. it was supposed to be a double date thing but BF had training instead. was a little bumped at first but my playing-gooseberry-feeling came to me and i felt single for awhile again.

it was relishing but i did miss BF in some moments.

i realise there are alot of barriers we have to cross and habits we have to endure or understand to. BF is an almost opposite of me in terms of social life, food choice and background, educational and lifestyle likewise.

and im only stating a few differences. gosh, there is really much to go through.

Fon - i hope u know what you are doing with that bird from Malaysia. ;D

By putting up a wall that keeps out other people, you aren't protecting
yourself. You're hiding who you really are.

did i choose right?

2007-08-24T15:37:00.000+08:00

i'm still quite caught up in the drama of being in a relationship with someone only just.

it was 22 August.
but it didnt felt like that was the first day either. the dates made it feels like longer.

i felt weird. something died in me straight after i made the decision. but im not sad or anything.
i just felt different.

i have always been very independent.

i love the freedom of single hood. the daily schedules of doing things my own way without having to tell anyone anything.

i was an 'impossible'. all everyone could get me on was dates and that was all.

im still quite stunned at my choice. it wasnt even an impulsive one.
it took me weeks to think it through.

doesnt matter. i can still be all that.

in any case, hanged with Ching yesterday. Yaowei joined us shortly after.

her current boyfriend has baby face. he's 29 and he looks like early 20-something.
serious.
i hope she finds the bliss in their relationship.

one thing im enjoying now is the last stares i get. being attached meant im off limits.
it feels good.

i think all uncles and boys who are interested in girls only because they are girls and have boobs should freaking go drown themselves.

or males who get into a relationship only because they want to get it done with her and then leave her straight after should go lock themselves in a freezer.

it's a pity some girls actually live on their desperations and needs.

i dont ever want to be that kind of a girl.

somebody's birthday is coming.

dirt and an ang moh operator

2007-08-22T09:50:00.000+08:00

i know. i havent been updating. but for very good reasons. i will dish a little gossip on myself to make up for it.

1 - i have been going around all the ulu ulu (almost unknown) places for job interviews

2 - i did slack off a day or two once awhile
(i know, blame me for being a complete slacker but i cant help it, i like slacking)

3 - i have been going on dates

surprise surprise to those who know me well.

i know i have been single for like forever, but im 18. and i did tell people that i will only get into a relationship when i want to, and not just because someone confessed something. and definitely not because of someone's looks.

but hell, i have reached 18. and i told myself, it's time.

and guess what. i am truly blessed.

no, i dont have a boyfriend yet.
but i am dating. (haha, just a little note to my known friends)

anyway.
im amazed at my camera skills.

i love this one.

the way she looks into the camera with such sweet alertness.

almost like she knows it's a photo shoot.

-----------------------------------

Fon is such a sotong when it comes to technology. but me too.
and it sucks to have a brother who's lazy to help.

she recently applied for this Starhub wireless thing, and she's stuck using it.
we have no idea what IP addresses are. Neither does what the router does or the adapter is for.
and we do not have the passion to go look it up.

i called this hotline she gave me and guess what. this really really nice hunk-ish ang moh voice answered! ANG-MOH!

(for those who dont understand what im so crazy about is that i love those deep ang moh voice. like John Stratham[Transporter 1/2] or David Caruso[CSI Miami]. melts me.)

and as usual i played it cool and calm and explained my situation.

conclusion:
so there was this whole 'conversation' on computer networks and troubleshoot.

he chuckle at me.
it was then i realise throughout that this might be an overseas call!
i mean seriously how many ang mohs would work as an operator in Singapore?!?
so i asked and you know what he said?

'Yes. This call is actually transfered to California from the Philippines.'

CALIFORNIA!!!
i was like OMG. overseas call!

FROM the Philippines some more!
that means like two countries. and for like 11 minutes and 21 seconds!!!
my dad will freak if its stated in the phone bill.

how expensive is 11 minutes and 21 seconds arh?

in any case im glad i made that ang moh laugh.
(laugh with me by the way. with. not at. WITH.)

Fon would get so high when i update her about the ang moh.

the little witch keychain

2007-08-11T17:09:00.000+08:00

you asked about what i think about all the time.
i said i wonder about what you think about all the time.
worry. wondering. questionings.
but still there is no answer.

maybe there were answers. but unfortunately nothing we want to accept or believe.
arguing about not being honest enough.
but seriously, don't you think some things are best kept as secrets?

you never answered my questions. but neither did i to yours.
you asked me things i couldn't bring myself to answer to.
you gave me answers that makes dogs chase their tails.

and we both agree we are being silly.
we confine ourselves to our boundaries and expect others to step out of theirs.
i put myself on guard and close an eye every so once in awhile to relax.
you put up that fence, except for days when you are tired.
yes. we are both silly.
very silly indeed.
our brave upfront of our own hidden fears.

in truth we are blackmailing each other.
emotional blackmail.

when will we stop?
do we even want to stop?

isn’t it better to say nothing when you have nothing to say?

is it possible that you have so much to say that you just don’t know where to start from so you say nothing?

is it possible that saying anything is not going to make any difference to anything so it is better to say nothing?

is it possible that whatever you are going to say has been said many times before so you say nothing?

is it possible that all you want to say has been heard without saying so you say nothing?

is it possible that all you ever wanted to say was what you couldn't bring yourself to say so you say nothing?

is it possible that whatever you say may be misinterpreted and misunderstood so you would rather say nothing?

is it possible that you think i already know what you have been trying to say so you say nothing?

is any of these and all of these correct?
over time and now you have learnt the lesson of saying nothing.
so have i.

you say everything you want to say by saying nothing.
on purpose? or by choice?
or is all this for your own comfort? denial of your self deceit?

If you do not understand my words,
You will not understand my silence.

boy, you have not even seen my words.

-------------------------------------

national day was lovely.
first it was Suki Sushi with Wei Sheng at Lot1.
then i introduced my 'secret garden' to three people in denial of a nice hang-out place at Suntec City.
their ignorance gives Singapore a bigger outlook.

the boys are training something new later. i hope no accidents happen.

maybe there should be. it makes my life more interesting.

im feeling selfish.

lethargic and bloated

2007-08-09T01:33:00.000+08:00

feel like doing some gym-ing now.
i know.....you are thinking:

sharon in a gym? are you sure?

im feeling the times when you just feel like sweating and feeling sticky all over.
must be the whole public-holiday-thing.

and all i had was cup noodles and potato wedges and milo the whole day.
i miss my food delivery already.

yes, and my brother put aluminum layering in the microwave.
i missed the part when the aluminum caught fire.
its nice to watch things burn... plus see my brother panic...
...and me do the laughing. =D

spotted this while i was on the bus the other day.
his number on a BMW.
and to think mine (post: july 25) was spotted on a Suzuki. what a bumming thought.

for yaowei. his favourite number. =)

guess who ;)

we need more of this in our lives, seriously.

photo updates

2007-08-08T20:33:00.000+08:00

finally blogger is eating them.

like Fon and her Green Tea ice cream.

too bad she doesnt like it as much as she looks like she does in the photo.

colours co-ordinate

-Days at Novena-

that was how big the shop is.
im glad its over. =)

looks like shit doesnt it?
its nicer than it looks.

on the inside -ham, carrots, smoked chicken, some cabbage stuff and sliced omelet
YUMMY!
buy me one any day.

-NTUAC Reunion 20072007 Friday-

somehow blogger didnt like them. will edit them in next time.

-randomness-
took this while waiting for bus.
a sock on the street.

drained much

2007-08-08T19:45:00.000+08:00

my brother went and got a new pc monitor!! yeah.

Happy 18th Birthday Jenny.

its national day tomorrow and im not feeling the vibes still.
something is definitely wrong with me and my spiritual self lately.

spent last year's national day with Ars. and this year? im not sure.
pathetic isnt it? how things change so fast.

ouch huh...
it's reality.

even someone like Charlie is looking for company nowadays. so unlike of him.
probably the 'no-girlfriend' thing.

im still jobless. i think being jobless does things to you.
never mind that. i'm still sticking to the path i chose since secondary school.

wedding dinner with lajiao made me realise how i come off as someone whom im not to others sometimes.

i mean the cutesy pig? like come on.

do i really look like someone who likes pigs and screams at cockroaches?

no offense. not targeted at anything or anyone.

and boy said i'd be perfect if i were more sincere.
that was like a slap to me.
what makes him think im not?

sincerity needs no reason or explanation.

i think its the mental stuffs that weaken you spiritually.
seriously.

reflective imagery

2007-08-01T02:43:00.000+08:00

nope, not suicide.

agony. black-widowed dress. ungrounded. unknown.
in my own silent reflections.

just that bugging feeling

2007-08-01T01:01:00.000+08:00

argh!!

having trouble with uploading my pics.
blogger wouldn't eat them!

pardon the photo-less entry again. till next time.

anyway, i quit my recent job.
yeah, i know, all that stuffs about choo choo train. i realise 3 days later i didnt like the long hours.
i didnt have the time to meet up with my brothers and go out and do stuffs.

and i know there's people out there who works 12 hours shifts and 10 is long for me already.
damn long.
especially when you stand around and just service people shopping.
note: service people shopping
argh.
i dont like the way it sounds.
i rather entertain a kid as much as i dislike kids.

servicing people is one thing but people who are shopping!
and worst shopping for clothes!

bottom line: i dont regret quitting. =)
i salute those in the field of retail assistants or something.

throughout my 3 days there, i learned alot. as always, learning new things all the time.

you would be surprise how silly some people are when it comes to shopping.
the nice ones are so rare.

next time i will be super nice to the retail people. lols.

my working there reminds me of the time constraint in my life.
maybe its all psychological.
is anyone else feeling this? on how short your life is?

went and got my hair dyed! red wine.
but it doesnt look very red.
looks like normal black from afar.
hope it looks better when it fades. and i dont like brown.

and fon got her blue hair extensions! coolios to that.
she looked younger too.

finally after a week i went to find my brothers.
i appreciate them lots!

all the laughs and cries.
the nosiness of all of them together. and the silent company once in awhile.
i guess its what made us a family.

my secondary school teachers say its in secondary school where you find your life-long friends.
technically yes.
to me, there's only that much truth in it.

i havent been close to my brothers only till the third year of secondary.
yes i met most of them in the school.
but they werent the ones i were close to then.

in fact the ones i was close too, was well.....we drifted apart.
through the times, we got caught up in our lives.
he got a girlfriend. she's still with her boyfriend.
we didnt catch up with the old times.
we tried, but....

sometimes people move on.
and i've got to live that. we all have to.

and we make new friends all the time.

i know i complain all the time my life is short and i havent got enough time to do alot of things.
but i can still sit around and hang out with my brothers and spend time with my friends, even over a meal.
and do nothing but just laugh at jokes and talk and...
life is full of wonders.
i surprise myself sometimes.

i crave for pancakes from Macdonald's. and sugar cane juice.
bleahs. i have weird cravings.

and im not even pregnant.
i wonder what i will crave for when i am.
bet it's alot of cravings.

Singapore's national day soon. but the vibe hasnt hit me yet.
heard there's a marathon going on 8 August.
maybe i should join in.
lols.
me in a marathon? thats like... running.
i like sports but running is not sports to me.
running is like... leg exercise.

yucks.

past tense, present tense and in-the-near future

2007-07-28T01:04:00.000+08:00

He delivered me food again!
Past tense.

Next time i will have to reconsider answering to his 'Have u eaten?' smses.
In-the-near future.

I want to do something for him to let him know how much i truly appreciate him.
In-the-near future.

I feel bloated now.
Present tense.

My Hotmail server is down. No idea why.
Present tense.

So i will have to wait for a later date to upload the photos from the NTUAC's reunion. In-the-near future.

Nora's baby's present is still with me.
I will have to find time to pass it to her as soon as possible, before her baby grows older.
In-the-near future.

That's enough of examples.
Have you noticed the number of 'In-the-near-future' there were?
Gosh.
There's just so much to do.
There's always a future something.

I cant wait till i get everything i wanted to do done.
But there will always be more on my to-do list.
There always is.

I have so many little projects. Either undone or unfinished.
And the list is always growing.
I know it's as much as everybody else's. But still, i cant help but complain about it.
It feels much better complaining about undone things out loud.

And my new job at a boutique store is not helping much. Other than the income and new experiences, it adds on to the amount of 'string' i am deducting from my 'string of life'.

Yes. I got a new job.
One day of job search was all it took.
It just happened.
One minute i was browsing and doing some light-shopping. The next i was answering the shopkeeper's questions.
And then i was told to come to work the next day.
I guess the shop really does need work force.

It's huge. It's like four shop size or something.
Upload some recent photos later.

And my colleague is some china-foreign. Nice lady really.
A good chance to improve my Chinese.
Yaowei has been getting me to upgrade my current grade at Chinese. And it's huge influence.

With only an off day a week now, i will have to put my thoughts to action the moment i can.
Think choo-choo train.
Now i cant be lazy. It feels good to be on track with life.

From now on, every off day i get will be filled up with plans and activities.
Im not stopping for love and personals now.
Not now.

-----------------------------------

The past makes us who we are today.

But i will have to agree to: Not everyone turned out the same even though they chose the same path.

I agree with you boy.
But it's really time to move on.

Everyone has their own past. Everyone changes once in awhile.
Live and let live.

You said you knew what forgiveness was.
But i said u dont.
Because you have yet learned how to forgive yourself.

And i dont know what forgiveness either.
I dont forgive. Im learning how to. Most of the time, i just merely let it pass.
But i dont forget what happened either.

I dont ever want to forget.

Can we learn things in different perspective without forgetting anything in our past?

a day being 18

2007-07-25T08:48:00.000+08:00

-Today-
I think my boss migrated.
I have decided to quit working at offices and try sales instead.
Any opinions?

-Tuesday 24July & Monday 23July-
I cried to sleep after my birthday. Straight from some 4am.
How ironic.

I learnt a grave lesson that night.

You see, my birthday falls on 23July.
I was out the whole day and only got home till early in the morning around 1am on 24July.

And i got hit by a wave of sadness upon realising something.

I saw this in the fridge:

Cappucino Cream cake topped with strawberries, sliced kiwis and peaches and lots of dark chocolate.

My 'freedom' cake.
The cake you get when you hit 18 for girls, 21 for boys.

A quarter of it was eaten off with a spoon, most probably by my mother.

Imagine your parents waiting for you to be home to celebrate your birthday with them.
With them instead of friends.

Waiting for you to blow the candles and make birthday wishes.

I mean what i trying to place here is the thought that they were waiting for me.

Waiting.

Argh.

And i was thinking: How come Daddio didn't call me home... or sms me.
Just let me know he bought cake home.
I mean he never use to get my birthdays right. Probably old age catching on but still...?

And then i got a 'flash' quote:

Sometimes loving someone is letting them do what they want, even if it puts yourself(you) out of the picture.

Familiar much?
An episode of 'Ghost Whisperer' taught me this.

How sentimental.

Ru Feng wanted to go shopping with me.
So we did.

We went to Novena's Velocity.
It's been quite awhile since i've been there.
I think i will go back there today to get a few stuffs.

Anyway, we lunched at the food court.

Took this cool view. (below)
You can see the buildings through the glass with the reflections of the food court colliding. Nice.

Sour & Spicy Noodle Soup
Lots of mushrooms in it. So vegetarian.
It looks like it's got tape worms in the photo.
But it's nice enough to eat.

Miniature Tachopachi Balls.
The size of fishballs.

Went to look for my brothers at Safra after that.
Niu gave me a Chun Li figurine. How...cute.

Got a spontaneous call from Wei Sheng around midnight after i closed shop for birthday outings.
So off to Jalan Kayu.
His treat. =)
Guan Jie, Jun Guo and his cousin tagged along.

Saw this really cool licence plate and i couldnt resist photo-taking.

With my number on it! All four of it!
Must be expensive. I mean with the COE price rising and all.

Mine. Tom Yum Soup

His. Smiley Nasi Goreng Pattaya.

Tissue prata.

Thank you for the fats Wei Sheng.
Plus, thanks for the birthday greetings and gifts:

Daddio
Yaowei
Wei Sheng
Ah Bao
Xueqi
Ru Feng
Sharon Tan
Liza
Maureen
Fonnis
LaJiao
Zhi Yong
Terrance
Adrian
Kokpin
Aisha
Niu
Jun Guo
Guan Jie
XiaoGui
Ah Bee
on Friendster

If i forgot to put your name up there just let me know. No need shy. ;)

a day nearer to 18

2007-07-22T22:11:00.000+08:00

-Friday 20July-
Reunion with the NTUAC clique left my jaws numb. Why?
Because we laughed ALOT.

We met up at Holland Village. Sat around, have roasted chicken wings and chitchat.
Recalling our chapters of fun and laughters during work.
So many of them. Lets start with this one, the one i remember clearly:

Scene-Reception counter
Liza using the computer.
Me standing up, on the phone with a caller.

Liza: Hey, whats that smell?
*Sniffs around*
Do you smell durian?

(Me continue talking on the phone)
(Liza looks around for air freshener)

Me: (Hangs up the phone)
What u doing?

Liza: Where's the air freshener i brought?

Me: (Starts playing with computer)

Me: (5minutes later) Dont know. Cupboard? Oh by the way, i just farted.
I had durian for breakfast. *smiles*

Liza: =O
You what?! And you still dare to tell me now!!!

Me: *smiles* *giggles* *laughs*
(Gives innocent face)
What? I forgot lah. I was on the phone what.
You dont expect me to say out loud while i was using the phone right?

Liza: CB..
(Bombards the reception counter with vulgarities)
Eh! Go Aspara get the incense sticks leh.

Me: Dont want lah. Lazy walk. You go get leh.

Liza: ={ You fart, you go get.

Me: -_-"

We ended up burning the incense stick upside down so that the ash drops into a dustbin.
Thank goodness the smoke alarm didnt go off.

I still have a packet of the incense sticks in my drawer. Nice.

Liza brought us to some Hindu pub at Boat Quay later that.
Imagine:

Loud Hindi music and disco lights and girls showing off their belly buttons.

Not my cup of tea. But it was interesting enough to watch the girls dance and twirl in circles and get a lot of $10 notes from patrons.

Johnson is convinced Indians are rich people.
(Well, maybe just the Indian uncles.)

We were there for about an hour and the uncles gave away an amounted $80 to the girls.
Not counting the drinks.
(Yeah, i counted how much they gave away.)
Perhaps they are just more generous than most people?

Oh and vodka with orange juice taste better than vodka with sprite.
Much better.
Poor Johnson, he got the sprite one.

The four of us (Rahim, Maureen, Johnson and i) left Liza and her husband Mann at the pub.
We cabbed back and i was the last one home. =|

Talking about cabs, i met a lot of nice cabby-drivers recently.
I had a nice chat with this cabby-driver on my way to Holland V.

He's been to South Africa, London, America and so many other places!
He's 60, has a 27yr old son, daughter in early 30s and they are both married.
Not a grandfather yet. He's going some other place at the end of this year.
Cant remember which, but still it's so cool to be traveling around the globe.

I want to do that someday. I will do that someday.
He's just driving a taxi to past the time.

And what's cooler is his customers calls him to pick them up from various locations sometime.
No booking fee!
And not just one, but throughout our route, he got quite a few calls!
Too bad for the rest of them because he was driving me then.

-Saturday 21July-
Slacked pretty much the whole day and ate a lot.
Dad ordered pizza for dinner and i dished on crabs with Shifu after the boys finished their training.

More fats.

Shifu brought some of us to Loyang Tua Peh Gong temple after that and Jun Guo [my god-di] tried chatting up this 'Jie' at Changi.
Yep, 'Jie'.

In case anyone don't get what i mean, i'm refering to the 'sexual-pleasure performers'. Lols. What a term.

-Sunday 22July-
An early birthday treat: Crocodile meat!!!
A combination of different food and drinks.

Breakfast: I didn't have breakfast. I slept in late.

Lunch: Crocodile steak with fries, lime juice and durian

Dinner: Home-cooked spaghetti with spicy minced beef and black chicken tonic soup (eww)

FYI, crocodile meat taste like chicken.
At first i thought it tasted like pork, but a few more bites the roughness and chewy side of pork was gone.

Up next, i want to give the crocodile paw a try.
Super expensive stuff i heard. Somewhere near $35? No matter, its worth a try.

I wonder where they get the crocodile from.

Will check it out soon and blog on it!

the Honest Survey

2007-07-22T20:49:00.000+08:00

I know i already did this in Friendster but i just wanted to let somebody see his name up there. ^-^

1.Honestly what color is your shirt?
navy blue.

2. Honestly, whats on your mind?
tryin to be honest here.

3. Honestly, what are you doing right now?
typing.

4. Honestly, have you ever been in love ?
im not entirely sure of that.

5. Honestly, have you done something bad today?
i ate crocodile meat!!! *gasps* lols.

6. Honestly, do you watch disney channel?
*nods* yeap.

7.Honestly, who is the last person you talked to on the phone?
Wei Sheng. (hee hees)

8.Honestly, are you jealous of somebody right now?
no.

9. Honestly, what makes you mad most of the time?
when i cant figure something out.

10. Honestly, do you bite your nails?
never.

11. Honestly, do you use anyone?
could u define that? in a way, yes, iadmit. i DO 'use' ppl sometimes.

12. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment?
Aisha. We have alot of catching up to do.

13. Honestly, do you have a friend you don't like?
Yes. Don't we all?

14. Honestly, do you love someone very much?
Nope.

15. Honestly, does anyone like you?
i think the world can live without me.

DIFFERENT EMOTIONS SURVEY

*Anger Section*

1. What do you do when you're mad?
breathe deeply and heavily.

2. What's the worst thing you've done when you were mad?
tried to flood my bathroom, it never worked.

3. Ever made anyone cry when you were mad?
yes.

4. Do you swear when you're mad?
yes. whatever banana words i can think of at that moment of madness.

5. When was the last time you really cried?
last night.

6. Ever cried yourself to sleep?
yeah of course.

7. What usually makes you cry?
whatever triggers.

8. Are you normally a happy person?
yes. im BUBBLY okay.

9. Does being with your friends makes you happy?
yeah.

10. When people say they think you are good looking/pretty, do you get happy?
depends who's saying it.

Honestly, surveys are good.
Makes me reflect and realise things i dont usually bother to admit to.
Bravo.

i admit defeat

2007-07-20T17:16:00.000+08:00

He's so good! Just drops off my lunch at my doorstep.
Thank you boy.
I owe you lots.

You are always beating me to it. Always a step ahead of me.

(Maybe im losing my touch?) No, i can't have.
Could i?

Maybe im not trying hard enough.
But i dont want to. I want my life to flow naturally.

Im just flowing with you boy.

I will make it up to you one day.
Till that day boy.

Soon.

It will be like a surprise present just dropped from god.
Hope you cry then.
Cry in a GOOD way.

Reunion - 16072007 Monday

2007-07-20T15:52:00.000+08:00

Prata House:

Paper Prata

LOL. I was chewing my prata lah.

Me on the left and Fon on the right
Food Buddies =D

Bottle Creek Park (Between Khatib & YCK):

Note: messy fridge!

Left: Xueqi

Let our legs do the talking.

Fonnis in her usual ghostly self

Khatib MRT:

Bottom: Veron; Fon & Cyn
Top: Me & Xueqi

Singaporean pervert and funny characters

2007-07-20T12:42:00.000+08:00

Still waiting for Xueqi to upload our reunion photos. (Hurry up girl!)

Anyway, met up with LaJiao for an oyster omelette dinner last night.
I was trying to gross him out i guess.
It was a $4 plate. Up-sized a little
But it didn't seem to work. (Either that it did but he didn't mind perhaps?)
I did catch the way he looked at the oysters though. Lols.

Got to know that Adrian is as reserved as Yaowei is. Maybe less than Yaowei but still one bit in common.
Maybe alike people with just a little more pride above themselves dislike each other? Mostly because they are quite alike?

And no one would have thought Terrance was a Express kid. I mean im from Express too but i dont smoke. (Yay, im more goody-goody i guess)
(Whoever said Express students should look like one anyway? We are just as cool as everyone else. Thats a statement. ^-^)

Terrance and Ah Gu [this new funny character i just got to know of] joined us for chitchat awhile later.
I enjoyed their company.
Talks about regretting being a pai kia (Hokkien for gangster) and how things were in the past got me psyched up for more chitchat with Ah Gu.
He was trying to lecture Terrence on having second thoughts being a pai kia. He didn't believe Terrance to be an Express kid when i told him.

There were some views on money, dating, friendship etc, we both totally agree to.
I crave for our next meeting. I want to know more about him.

But i heard Yaowei doesn't like him very much.

After chitchat was mahjong at Guan Jie's. Ah Bee couldn't sleep due to some bummer issues so we met up to relax.

Cycling at 2am in the neighbourhood for a girl like me is never a good idea.
Some a-hole thought i was a China-foreign and wanted me to join him for supper.

Some sick Singaporean pervert is living near me!!
I should have played along to take a photo with him and have him fined for insulting me.
Damn.
I dont remember his car license plate no.
Curses.

People with perversions should effing go shoot themselves.
Or just go to places with 'legal' entertainment.
Geylang and Changi 'entertainers' are not there for nothing.
And if you want free rides, go shoot yourself.
Seriously, the world wont miss you.

Or try SOCCER and kick balls around or something.
How about POOL and some poking-fun!?!

Firstly i was wearing T-SHIRT & SHORTS!! As in DECENTLY?!!!
Like come on dude it's not like a dressed like one of them chicks.

Go dig your eyes out or something.

Secondly i was with someone. I wasnt alone.

Cycling alone at 2am vs. cycling with someone (especially a boy much less a pai kia) who's walking quite some distance away from me is ALOT of difference.

What nerve.

If Ah Bee wasn't on probation and walking some distance away from me he would have made sure your face was PUNCHED IN and OOZING pus and blood out.
Never mind him i would have just made you a eunuch myself.
Washing my hands later wont be a problem.

You want a glass case to go with your thing? Do you?
Custom made, man. Or imported?

I remember your face u a-hole. You better start staying at home more!
I would RECOGNISE you.

Jesus! The world and its people.
Bleahs.

-----------------------------------

Another reunion later tonight. Ex-colleagues this time.

Good thing is i get to skip teaching horrible jumpy kids at Sembawang.
Bad thing is the reunions make me feel older than i already am.
Worst thing is my birthday's in a few days time.

It adds on to my misery.
I have an issue with age and time.
I know im being silly getting all bothered about growing up and growing old but i cant help it.
Im having so much fun being young. I didnt have much of a childhood you know.

And i know... 'who said being old/mature/grown-up is no fun?'
But seriously, fun don't last.

Oh well, this sort can only be gotten over with through self-comfort and reassurance.
No help from the ppl out there i guess.
I will get over it.

honesty trust and secrets

2007-07-16T12:47:00.000+08:00

We kept talking about being honest with one another and how trust comes into place.
You dont realise how contradicting it is until you reminiscence on it.

Try reading the first sentence of this post again and you will know what i mean.

If we really trust each other, there wont be need of the constant reminder to be honest.

And constantly promising it to yourself or the other party wont help either.
Empty promises dont bring about much.
They only hurt people and let them down in the end.
Or just ourselves.

I blew him off. Shut him out like i did to others.
I really shouldnt have.
Im not regretting.
But im not glad about it either.
I do need more time. Im not ready yet.

I wish he could read my blog. But he doesnt use computers much.
I hope he truly understands like he said he does.

-----------------------------------

I was just asked to accompany someone to a wedding dinner.
I wished he has more guts to ask me directly.
He got a common friend to ask me instead.

Am i that intimidating?
I mean i'd proudly say im being as independent as i can and i hang around with my brothers alot and i do as i preach and is completely unafraid of cockroaches, lizards and all the creepy crawlies but surely im pleasant enough to be asked out directly?!!

Maybe im being too sensitive. Perhaps he's just... never mind.
Im not looking forward to it though. I just hope it wont be too awkward.
I have had my fair share of awkward moments.

Reunion with some girlfriends from Hope later.
We are having Prata House. I bet it was Fon's persuading. She's very persuasive when it comes to food.
Looking forward to tonight.

sore and ache

2007-07-15T19:42:00.000+08:00

Three days of lion dance straight and even stayed up on one night. I love the feeling of being physically drained.

It's raining quite heavily now. Anyone wanna go play in the rain with me?
I guess not.
It's a silent rest day for me today.
Slept till some 5pm and dinner straight.

I'm super dreamy today.

-----------------------------------

Dedication to: LAU WEI SHENG

You SILENT READER! Finally admit to reading my blog! Yes, YOU! Hahas.
See!
I put your name up there for all to see.
In bold some more.
Happy now!?

-----------------------------------

And i do admit that i blog about things like periods.

Because im open to it. It's part of my everyday life.
And it's not just for the sake of explaining my weird moods.
But for the sake of some boys who dont get a thing about how periods affect our moods.

Even Xiaogui agrees to that.
And im glad he asked. So i told him and explained it to him abit.
Thats how he knows when my moon time is.

Thanks to you (im talking about you Wei Sheng!!) now i have a new bad name in the troupe! Ass you.

To be continued.. brother in the room.

i think i need a new job

2007-07-12T17:07:00.000+08:00

Yes i think that.
Because my boss has yet to call me.
He didnt answer my call or reply to my sms either.
I cant keep comforting myself with 'Maybe he's still overseas' even thought he might still be.

I went shopping with Fon and we got our eyebrows done.
The lady-boss did her maths wrongly and discounted us a total of $10 off. Lucky us.
Dinner was cup noodles and durians at her place.

Spending the whole day with Fon on Tuesday and finding out that Janet (my long-time-didnt-get-in-touch-with 'sister') came by to look for my brothers made me realise how not-fated we are to meet.
I doubt she's avoiding me and i am definitely not avoiding her. But im not making much effort to either.
Maybe i should. But it's not that i haven't tried. I did.
But we didn't meet up in the end either.

It made me wonder how i will settle with a solution if i was made to choose between them.
I hope that day never come.
Im a peace lover. It's better if we all three are friends.

Had an emotional moment with Yaowei last night.
He makes me flip. He's as stubborn as i am.
I have to admit though, i like spending time with him.

It reminds me of my days with Ars.
But even better because this time both of us have common personal issues to settle with.
Communication becomes easier.

Lion dance later.
Gotta go.

bliss and all that for marriages

2007-07-09T11:35:00.000+08:00

-Sunday 8July-
ShiJie's Wedding Day.
Went to meet Bao and Yaowei at 3am.
LaJiao, Yong and Adrian came to slack with us at 7eleven till around 5am.
Then it was time to go welcome the couple.
I was with the troupe and it so happens to be the first day of my moon time.
Naturally i was already feeling tired in the early afternoon.
And Yaowei thought i was sad or something. He so dont know the thing with girls and their periods.

Some of us get awfully tired easily that even talking seems to drain us of energy.
I happened to be one of them.

-Saturday 7July-
LIVE EARTH day.
The 24hr concert at 7 different cities that emphasize he need to the 3Rs and help reduce global warming.

And to think earlier in the day i felt an urge to throw away all my old books that are stuffed on my shelves.
I need to re-think that.
But then i have to find a place to recycle them to.
Gone are the days where you just throw them in the big green plastic bag and dump them at the void deck for collection.

And for the past few days i have been wanting to re-decorate and re-furnish my room.
Thats means throwing out the current cupboards and shelves and painting the walls.
Troublesome.
Now everything i throw out have to be reconsidered with HOW or WHERE i throw them out to.
TV. It does influence me.

-a whole week-
I have been hanging out ALOT as usual.
Almost everyday ended with staying up with Yaowei and sleeping in the afternoons.
Bravo to me for being able to 'communicate' to him for so long.
According to the troupe he's the most anti-social.
Lols. More like the most misunderstood to me.

And it so happens that both of us have certain common issues of life.
Common issues in general terms note.
That means different solutions to come up with.
But like he said, its all a matter of time.

Time and a whole lots of trust, confidence and mostly determination.

-Mon 2July-

Happy 18th Birthday YAOWEI

Enjoy your siew-mai not? Lols.

-Today-
Im setting my priorities right today.
And my sleeping mode too.
That means no sleeping in the afternoons again. Im leaving the sleeping to the night.
Besides Yaowei and most of the troupe starts school today.
Less chances to stay up at night anytime we want now.
Im gonna miss those days.

straightforwardness

2007-06-29T08:53:00.000+08:00

The thing about it is being honest all the time is not entirely good.
White lies never hurt. For real?

Being too direct can hurt someones feelings. Even if its for their own good.
So how do you go about telling someone something they should know about even if it hurts them? Finding a nicer but honest way to tell them needs to be thought about first.

Even talking...casual talk needs to be reviewed through our minds first.
Why cant the rules of life be easier to follow?

Or am i just being hard on myself? Are there even official rules of life?

Ah Bee left for home around 4am. Stayed up with my papaya friend again. Still smsing him about something.
There is just not enough time in a day.

And im running out of time to reach my short-term goal.

in need of workloads

2007-06-28T03:55:00.000+08:00

I have been slacking around alot. Limited amount of work that reaches my short-term goals.
Lion dance two days in a row.
Trainings. Theres one later at night too.
Shopping and eating with Fon.
Spending alot of time with Yaowei[now known as papaya friend to Fon, lols] just hanging around instead of sleeping.

My papaya friend had a disturbing dream of me with the bastards[as he calls them] of 233.
Its not an uncommon questioning of myself.

What will a girl do under certain circumstances of humiliation, pressure and weakness?
Just so coincidently from PostSecret last week:

I really do want things to happen.

Yaowei said im being silly.
His constant reminding of the need to be careful makes me feel weak.
I admit females are weaker in certain areas of life compared to males but there are some areas when are stronger in.
I guess theres both sides to everything.

She came to find me out of the blue moon.
Shes still as sad and love-sick as before. That explains the constant excessive pressure shes putting on herself at work.
I have been giving the same advices and trying to get her out of her circle for some 20 months now. I guess im not that good anymore.
But i cant help her if she doesnt help herself.
All her reminiscences of that jerk is getting on my nerves.
Im willing to lend her an ear but seriously repeating them over and over ~i have my limits you know.
Thank god for my papaya friend for being around to assist me in trying to get her out of her broken-hearted moodiness.

Earlier yesterday, stretching the hole i have burnt in my money pouch further more.
Bought a pair of flats today at Bugis Street and went to find Fon at her workplace after getting her new Zen Stone mp3 from Sim Lim Square.

Some guy got my number again but this time, through KFC Delivery.
All i did was had KFC with Fon at her place and i got to know someone new.
And its a rule-breaking way of expanding the social circle.
Delivery ppl shouldnt be texting customers and making use of personal information gotten from work.

Memoir -Kokpin's father

2007-06-20T17:38:00.000+08:00

That's the guy.

I will post the details next time. Cause these pics are in draft for too long.

its not the laziness i swear

2007-06-16T15:33:00.000+08:00

I was a little lazy a first but then the events of my life forbid me to be.
I have around 15 minutes now till i leave my house for lion dance later.
So a quick summary of updates.

-10 June Sunday-
SOON CHYE's 18th Birthday.
Met up with Chwee Mui and Ring first, headed to Bugis to buy him a Power Ranger Boxer.
I have yet to ask him whether he wore it so far.

-Rest of them days-
There was a whole lot of gatherings and food.
ShiJie's ROM with Kelvin. That means wedding dinner coming up in early July.
Aunt's place with popiahs and mee siam.
Beer and seafood at some lion dance troupe's anniversary dinner.
Sakae Sushi buffet treat with XiaoGui and his girlfriend.
Oh, and we watched 'Legend of the Sea' at GV too. His treat as well. =D

Its really lame and cartoony. I only like the way the dragon was drawn.
Overall, a cheesy kiddies’ musical cartoony movie. Yep.

-Recently-
Kokpin's dad is gone from nose cancer. He left the world at around 3am on 14 June.
Bee and I teamed up to help out at the funeral and to lighten his mood.
I will post a short summarised memoir of his father after his funeral wake.
It ends on the coming Monday.

His dad is no normal dad mind you.
He's a headliner. As in newspaper-kind.
No hero. But still a great talent.
I will share more in the memoir. It's still in draft.

Oh, and

Happy 18th Birthday Cheryl

MOS after lion dance. Thank God i cant be lazy.

damn this mix of emotions

2007-06-09T01:55:00.000+08:00

The emotions im feeling right now.

My boss just dropped me a bomb earlier in the day and im still bumped about it.
He said i didnt have to go to work for the remaining month of June.

THE REMAINING MONTH OF JUNE. Argh.
I know, i should be feeling happy for break. But it's like so random.
Dont get it wrong, i still like the job. And the bosses.
I am contented about the short break but i dont want to laze the remaining month away.
Life is TOO SHORT.
I will start getting lazy if i rest too much and needless to say, FAT.
Im definately feeling frustrated and bumped now.
And impulsive shopping didnt help much.

It was Fon's first day of work today at Suntec so i paid her a visit.
And standing in for Fon while she slacked at the toilet with her friend who works at Carrefour, i made small talk with one of her neighbouring colleague.
Soon after i was buying two bottles of red and white house wine from her.
And when Fon came back, i was browsing through her pushcart stocks and ended up getting 4 sets of woodcrafts to top the wine:

A Kylin
A Dragon
A Snake [free gift]
A Tank [Father's Day coming anyway]

4 FREAKING woodcrafts. Argh.
Things i dont freaking have a necessity for. Well, except for the Tank one. At least its got good use.
The 10% off and free gift is not satisfactory mind you.

And the wine..... think i will bring one to my aunt's place for our upcoming dinner gathering.
But the WOODCRAFTS....gosh.
I still cant get over it.

I need to look for that second job now.
No more pondering on it.
Seriously.

Gosh...
Im tired of job searching.
And the whole get-to-know-new-colleagues phase.
And the whole to-and-fro-to-work.
And the whole learn-new-things-while-at-work experience.

God forbid, the laziness is in effect.

religion-ness

2007-06-05T15:04:00.000+08:00

You are Agnostic

You're not sure if God exists, and you don't care.
For you, there's no true way to figure out the divine.
You rather focus on what you can control - your own life.
And you tend to resent when others "sell" religion to you.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

I think this is the decision im sticking to for now.

Until i get my life back in check, i rather keep on missing the old Saturdays with its teachings and meetings and fellowships and socialising and then rushing off to trainings after.

I will join them again. I do want to.

Maybe when im older and more committed to certain elements of my life.

i really am

2007-06-04T14:55:00.000+08:00

Got this from PostSecret.

I just realise how true this is.
I do feel like going back to my Saturdays with them, but then the passion isn't there.
It just doesnt feel right when im with them.

And it took me a whole year to realise that.

But should i go back or not? I still cant give myself an answer.

kid issues and a self-reminder

2007-06-04T10:41:00.000+08:00

-Now-

Being bombarded by Gary's boredom and smsing with Yaowei. He's in a super high mood right now. I think it's the RedBull and his self-realisation of a self-defence technique. RedBull does things to u. It really does gives u wings.

-Sunday-

Liondance in the freaking morning and a whole afternoon of hot sun.

Nothing like a little good heat once awhile.

I sought out my thoughts and I have decided that my life is going at a rather slow pace right now. Even if i have stuffs going on daily and straight after work, i still think i can balance more in my life. I definately have issues.

I want MORE from life.

-Saturday-

Shrek 3 with Fon, Cheryl and her sis Auriel.

A reflective family comedy. But i got frustrated at the death of the frog king. Dying three times and only really gone at the fourth is an overrated joke. Everything else was a lovely stretch of creativity.

I was reminded that we choose who we want to be. Despite the rumours and the gossips and the badmouthing and the bitching and the putting-downs from the world on our imperfections, in the end it's still back to our plain old self.

And the thing about having kids. I know i will go numb when that time comes. I know i will. And to think that i'm only 17 until July. Im freaking out already.

How can one stand them? I mean i was a kid once but actually giving birth to them send shivers down my spine and the hairs on my hand.

They are cute and all but they do cry you know.

They scream and throw tantrums and want things they have yet learn how to earn for.

Argh. I have kid issues.

-Friday-

Kokpin's birthday. Celebration was simple but it wasn't that bad.

Two slice of Coffeebean cake, something i doubt he ever will want to eat cause it's just not to his taste.

And it's not often that he gets to stay out late and have supper with us. Even if it was just at 293's prata stall with just four of us.

And i'm glad he liked what i gave him.
Even if it was just a piece of paper. Lol.

kokpin

2007-06-01T11:52:00.000+08:00

.

.

happy 15th birthday !!!

.

.

reality.check

2007-05-30T11:44:00.000+08:00

From Britney's official website:

Dear Fans,
I just wanted to reach out to all of you and explain some of the things that I have been faced with recently.

It's so funny how many stories are put out there about people. It's like we all want our side of the story out there as well, but at the end of the day only a few people care to hear what is really going on since the bad is always so much more interesting than the truth. I don't know why, but this is so weird to me. I used to be angry at the tabloids for printing horrible things about me, but now I try to just be numb to what I see. I saw Tyra Banks once get really upset and cry on her show because they made her look fat. We all want a certain image of ourselves out there, and at some point we all do really care what other people think or we wouldn't be here.

Recently, I was sent to a very humbling place called rehab. I truly hit rock bottom. Till this day I don't think that it was alcohol or depression. I was like a bad kid running around with ADD. I had a manager from a long time ago come in and try to direct me and my life after I got my divorce. I was so overwhelmed I think that I was in a little shock too. I didn't know who to go to. I realized how much energy and love I had put into my past relationship when it was gone because I genuinely did not know what to do with myself, and it made me so sad. I confess, I was so lost.

This letter is to not place blame on anyone, although I do see the world with a completely different set of eyes now. Being in that vulnerable state and taken to dinners and parties with friends and finding out later you paid for everything was a huge learning lesson for me. I think the whole problem was letting too many people into my life. You never know another persons intentions or what another person wants. I feel I was too open and looking for answers when I had it all to begin with. I have had to cut so many people out of my life. It is so sad, because if anyone is a family person...it is me. When I was little I remember every night watching movies with my family and feeling so at peace. Dancing and singing all the time just like a little girl should. Now recently I find with my children that I want them to have that feeling all of the time. I am having to face a lot of things right now since I have children of my own. A lot of insecurities from when I was little are coming up again. It is like we are never good enough.

I know everyone thinks that I am playing the victim, but I am not and I hate what is going on right now so much. Maybe this is the reason for this letter...to maybe allow people to look at me differently. It is like when you are a real woman and say what you feel and how you think things are supposed to be, that people just say you are a "bitch".

I feel like some of the people in my life made more of some issues than was necessary. I also feel like they knew I was beginning to use my brain for a change and cut some ties, so they wanted to be in more control of my life than me. I think it is actually normal for a young girl to go out after a huge divorce. I think it was a bigger issue because I had not gone out in such a long time. I am 25 and I do still have a lot to learn, and I am going to make mistakes everyday, and I am sure every mistake I make will probably be on CNN or Good Morning America. I am only human people and I love you for still loving me.

I am sitting here at home and it is 6:25 and both of my sons are asleep. I am truly blessed to have them in my life. Everyday is so surreal. Life in general is so surreal and crazy.

I just hope this letter made some of you think a little bit more of me and where I am coming from. I just want the same things in life that you want...and that is to be happy. It is just so weird because everyone has their own perception of me and how they think I really am. It is so weird how stories are told. There is your side, my side, and the truth. Somebody has to figure it out. I guess we will never really understand or figure out life completely. That's God's job. I can't wait to meet him...or her.

Love, Britney

Quote of the month...It is ok to disagree with people regarding certain issues. You're not being true to yourself if you succumb to others opinions because you feel guilty.

I'm not pinpointing but realisation hit me like a big yellow school bus.
It sure hell did.

despite.an.interesting.life

2007-05-28T14:23:00.000+08:00

I feel:
Anti-social.
From talking too much in the weekends.
Moody.
From feeling anti-social.
Grateful.
From the sleeping colleague who is not bugging me now.
Pain.
From my eyes due to sudden lack of sleep.
More pain.
From wearing contacts lenses.
Tired.
From the pain in my eyes.
Frustrated.
From the lack of help from my lens drops.
Grossed out.
From the pus coming out from the corner of my eyes.
Confused.
From not knowing who that caller is.
Amused.
From the unknown caller's confession.
Shitty.
From the trouble of having to go home later. change to specs and then meet Fon.
More shitty.
From having to deal with current affairs that aren't mine.
Even more shitty.
From having to deal with current affairs in my anti-social mood.
Like hell.
From all of the above.

And clubbing's tomorrow. Bleah, i don't feel like going all of the sudden.
And laughing seems like a burden now.
I hope for an angel's presence. Bummer.

life.is.double.interesting

2007-05-28T12:53:00.000+08:00

Guess what.
I just realised that i have no idea who called me just now.
I should have asked.

life.is.interesting

2007-05-28T12:43:00.000+08:00

Lol. I was just told that someone just had an erotic dream of me last night.
How cute and gross.

he.should.be.crippled

2007-05-25T10:44:00.000+08:00

Childishness incoming:

Yes, crippled! He keep making a girl (...me) do a less-than-a-minute walk for food!
I shall not name him due to certain circumstances.
If you are that lazy, don't eat. You won't die if you miss a meal.
If you are that lazy, eat at home. Parents don't cook? Call MacDelivery. No money? Go beg, borrow or steal.
If you are that lazy, don't bother. You won't die if you don't bother about it.
It's not surprising that you don't have a girlfriend.
Never mind the no-girlfriend factor, you can't even chat a girl up on Skype.
And please, you are NOT good-looking, you don't have much rights to be fussy.

Last night was crazy. Picture this, three girls hanging out. Pratas and bak chor mee.
Conversation was not as awkward as i thought it would be, but i can't help noticing the constant change between English and Chinese.
Janet updated me with current affairs in Chinese, Fon with English, but conversations were not without laughters.

Seeing them later tonite. Shoe sale!

too.much

2007-05-24T16:05:00.001+08:00

The Montre Vertige watch in 18K white gold and diamonds, $123,800

Something i can't afford now,..yet? Maybe someone will buy it for me?
Lol. Fat hope.
Even if i manage to psycho someone to do that, it would be out of stock by then.
Boo. I'm becoming materialistic. I should limit my web-surfing.
Thinking of Jaguar cars and limited edition watches. It's bad for my spiritual self.

Why does one want pricey stuffs so badly?
I won't die without them and i know that.
But still you just can't help crave and go oogle-eyed at them darn stuffs, you know?
I think you know.

And i thank God for blessing me with a well-rounded figure. Imagine shopping online!
If i was two size smaller i would overspent! And if i was too plus-sized?
Well...nothing might quite fit me if i surf those street fashion sites, would they?

Prata House supper tonite with Fon and Janet's tagging along too i think.
I think i will feel awkward.
I mean Fon and i communicate with English whereas Janet and i used to do Chinese. Bleah, stuck between two languages.
But we are all Chinese. Think i'll just have to get use to it huh.

just.that.bit.for.thought

2007-05-22T16:11:00.000+08:00

Was surfing around and i came across macme's blog.

for some reason i have problems hitting people up for money. it annoys the hell out of me when coworkers bring in things from their kids' schools and guilt me into paying for things i don't want and don't need.

Ever felt that way before? I have.
Sometimes, you sincerely want to pay for it or whatever it was.
But sometimes you can't help but feel that nudge in you after you did it.
Especially when you are on a really really really tight budget.
Honestly i don't mind helping out financially but still i can't do it my whole entire life you see.

I'm NOT pin-pointing at anyone or anything right now.
Please keep that in mind.

stuck.at.MarinaSouth -_-"

2007-05-21T17:14:00.000+08:00

-Today-
Forgot my ez-link card. Took a cab to work paid by NETS. Mis-read 9.45am as 10.45am. No one in the office.

Waited outside till i almost screamed only to realise that i was early 30mins later.

Silly me.

-Saturday-
Lion dance in the morning.
Almost quarrelled with Xiaoshu.
Went home to slack.

Getting stuck at Marina South with Fon and her 2 brothers, Dennis and Vincent was...funny.
Not fun. Funny. It was 1am. I think.
We walked in a circle in search for the main road to get a cab.
Flagged down a white car with POLICE on it. (We thought it was a cab.)
He warned us for walking in the middle of the road.
Called for cab instead only to get attitude from the operator when a cab chanced upon us. Can't blame us, or her.
Ended up calling Shifu to fetch us at Tampines 'cos there was only enough cab fare for that much of a trip. Fetching us at Tampines was nearer for Shifu anyway.

Managed to avoid Shifu's naggings and scoldings.
I good at talking him around. =)
Spent the rest of the night-morning chatting with Yaowei at 255.
Im sure we woke Xiaoshu's brother up, who farted twice (i'm sure of it) and got up to get a beer to sleep easier. Lol.

Just to say.
Thank you to Fon for not plannin the night properly and giving me such a funny day.
Thank you to Dennis & Vincent for the free supper and cab fare to Tampines.
Thank you to Vincent for his 'interesting' dance in the middle of the road.
Thank you to Xiaoshu for the ingenius idea of calling Shifu.
Thank you to Yaowei for not being asleep at that time to answer my call.
And of course, thank you to Shifu.

70.questions.survey.thingy

2007-05-21T16:50:00.000+08:00

1. Are you in a relationship?
..Was i ever?
2. Do you hate more than 3 people?
..i don't do hating. i merely dislike. ^-^
3. How many houses have you lived in?
..3
4. What is your favorite candy bar?
..kinder bueno!
5. What are your favorite shoes?
..till now, my bonia pumps.
6. Have you ever tripped someone?
..the same answer as u.
7. What was your least favorite subject this year?
.. xP wanna noe something? i don't study anymore!
8. What was your favorite subject this year?
..the same answer as qn7.
9. Do you own a Britney Spears CD?
..lol. yeah. it's the first CD i got.
10. Have you ever thrown up in public?
..no? i think so though as a kid. i don't remember.
11. Name something that's always on your mind.
..my horoscope readings, yeah, but i'm not weird mind you.
12. What is your favorite music genre?
..hiphop, r&b, rap, sadly anything un-chinese.
13. Whats your zodiac sign?
..cancer & leo. they both relate somehow.
14. What time were you born?
..i don't know.
15. Do you like beer?
..nope. but i'm a good sport for it.
16. Have you ever made a prank call?
..lol. i love to mimic bangalas. so old school huh.
17. What is the most embarrassing CD you own?
..westlife.
18. Are you sarcastic?
..do u want me to?
19. What are your favorite colors?
..love them all. even pink.
20. How many watches do you own?
..none.
21. Summer or winter?
..winter.
22. Spring or fall?
..cant decide.
23. What is your favorite color to wear?
..wearable colours?
24. Pepsi or Sprite?
..f & n.
25. What color is your cell phone?
..red. im an anti-aids supporter.
26. Where is your second home?
..my workplace? 255? im there almost everyday.
27. Have you ever slapped someone?
..yeap.
28. Have you ever had a cavity?
..nope.
29. How many lamps are in your bedroom?
..2 i dont always use.
30. How many video games do you own?
..hmm..none actually. Shared with my brother.
31. What was your first pet?
..rabbit! haha, yeah when i was less than 6yrs old.

32. Have you ever had braces?

..nope.
33. Do looks matter?
..the evil world makes sure it does.
34. Do you use chopsticks?
..im chinese. u think?
35. Name 3 teachers from your high school.
..ms soh, mr chin, mr chia.
36. American Eagle or Abercrombie?
..abercrombie.
37. Are you too forgiving?
..nope. ^-^ i never forget. haha.
38. How many children do you want?
..don't like them. but i dont know my future.
39. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
..no.
40. What is your favorite breakfast?
..bacon with all its fats, scrambled eggs, hashbrown and cold durian! yummy. haha.
41. Do you own a gun?
..im gonna have to kill u if i answered u.
42. Have you ever thought you were in love?
..surprisely, yes. but i always know whats the truth.
43. When was the last time you cried?
..a few days ago. one of those sit-around-and-talk days.
44. What did you do 3 nights ago?
..skipped training and catch up on sleep!
45. When was the last time you went to Olive Garden?
..olive garden?
46. Have you ever called your teacher mom?
..im not that deprived of mother's love u know...
47. Have you ever been in a castle?
..fake plastic ones. =D
48. What are your nicknames?
..xiaomantou, siew-mai ^-^ , sha, x-man, TLM =x , xiaomian -_-". lol, insanity.
49. Do you know anyone named Bertha?
..no.
50. Have you ever been to Kentucky?
..nono.
51. Do you own something from Banana Republic?
..nope.
52. Are you thinking about somebody right now?
..yep. alot of somebodys.
53. Have you ever called someone Boo?
..nope. i like 'honey' better lol.
54. Do you smoke?
..never will.
55. Do you own a diamond ring?
..im 18. i will in time.
56. Are you happy with your life right now?
..blessed. ^-^
57. Do you dye your hair?
..yep.
58. Does anyone like you?
..nope, i dont intend to find out. i dont think theres anyone that crazy though, haha.
59. Do you like anyone?
..i like everyone.
60. What were you doing May of 1994?
..uh..kindergarten?
61. Do you own a Backstreet Boys CD?
..lol..still do. its dusty.
62. McDonald's or Wendy's?
..is there a Wendy's in singapore or only in the states?
63. Do you like yourself?
..not always.
64. Are you closer to your mother or father?
..father.
65. Favorite body feature of the opposite sex?
..eyes, smile, back, un-fat tummy? butt? lols. ^-^
66. Are you afraid of the dark?
..nope.
67. Have you ever eaten paste?
..will it kill me?
68. Do you have a webcam?
..nope.
69. What's your middle name?
..dont have one. i want one!
70. Who was the last person you french-kissed?
..-_-" myself. muahaha. =)

That was fun.

the.truth.is......

2007-05-16T17:32:00.000+08:00

That i couldn't go MIA today. Had to go bump into Yaowei at the bus stop, which is an obvious sign from God that i can't go MIA in this period of time. Because one just doesn't go bump into people like Yaowei, it's just SUPER RARE. Besides, i have a buffet lunch promise with WeiSheng this Sat scheduled weeks ago. Such a boo isn't it.

Someone broke up with someone last night. Boo. Things always happens when im not around. Should have gone to training last night, darn..!

The MR.s (Melvin & Robin) are playing with their Transformer figures. Cuteness.

Im dead broke and it's only half the month. I think i really need that second job.

next.stop: M.I.A

2007-05-15T12:41:00.000+08:00

Sales & Marketing = Conversations, drinks, signatures and more conversations.
Sales & Marketing teaching = Storytelling. Haha. Fun.

Bah...Di wants to borrow $50. And i am broke too. +.+

Tired. Moody. Deflated. Tired. A summary of what im feeling now.
Drinks last night. 3 hrs of sleep last night. Slept in a weird position the night before. Fell asleep while sms-ing cant-remember-who.
I want more sleep. Think i'll skip training tonight for it.

Argh..there's ants invading the dustbin.
Yesterday was the gynae scan. 8 wks 5 days. It's her ex's. Finally the pressure is over.

Think i'll go MIA for the next few days. I need to reboot.

bad.hair.days.and.periods

2007-05-11T17:27:00.000+08:00

One is suicidal. The other's pregnant.
One likes attention. The other, doesn't want so much of it right now.
One needs to be found. The other needs get-rid-of-the-zygote medicine.
My younger God-bro is her boyfriend. My close-bud is the other girl's boyfriend.

Bummer.
The result of too much networking. I'm tired and i'm having the 2nd day of my period. Girls with periods are easily stressed. And stressing is not going to help solve any issues. My life is so full of issues.
Issues that SURROUND me. These are NOT my issues. But i have to solve them. No, rephrase. They want me to help them solve their issues. What are friends for?

Gary is chatting some girl up now. Gross. Pollution to the ears. Argh. I think he's desperate. Desperado-es gives me goose-bumps. Thank goodness he doesn't read English blogs.

I want to talk to Yaowei. His innocence soothes me.
It's six. Time to go solve them darn issues that somehow make my life interesting.

dark.eye.circles

2007-05-11T12:06:00.000+08:00

They are NOT caused by hard partying, working late nights, lack of sufficient sleep or allergies.
But by the oxidation of hemoglobin (blood) in the capillary matrix of the peri-orbital eye area.
Woow. Really?
That's good to hear.
I feel smarter. ^-^

And yes, i'm at work.

till.tonite

2007-05-10T15:54:00.000+08:00

Just had lunch and my two bosses are out again. Gary's spending most of his time in the toilet.
-_-"

I think i'm addicted to blogging. I'd been doing it alot lately, haven't i?..
Sms-ing Yaowei now. Yay! He's not mad at me! ^-^...

Can't wait for Chocolate Fondue-ing with Fon later. Had Prata House supper with her last night.
Mushroom and cheese prata, yummy!
We talked about sex and virginity and Indians. Haha..Fon's a racist! I'm sure of it!

Oh, and i have to accompany Bee drink tonite too.

the.ParisHilton.issue

2007-05-10T13:32:00.000+08:00

Other then her blessed background, Paris Hilton is as human as anyone else in the world. Clearly there's been a mis-understanding and mis-communication throughout.

We should put in mind that there are some individuals who take pleasure in others' misery and seeing Paris serve jail term clearly sets it in. Isn't there a better sentence for her?

I know...i'd probably gone nuts to care about this. You can't blame me.
I just want to kill brain cells right now.

And yes, i'm at work now.

lizard.murderer

2007-05-08T14:50:00.000+08:00

Men, you know what it's all about. It's
all about continuing a race. You have to look good so he fucks you, so the next
generation can come along. And once you've spawned, you can die.
-Joan Rivers

Maybe i'm just being paranoid.

Just fed a baby lizard to the office's tortoise. Robin's the mastermind.

starwars.lightsaber

2007-05-07T16:19:00.000+08:00

Yeah, for real. Melvin just bought it. It comes with the lights and sound effect. Lol.. and they are like 30+ yr olds. COLLECTIBLE by the way. $200 i was told. With discount.

Finally meeting Fon later, that lazyness. We keep delaying on our meetings. Either i'm not on a convenient route to meet her or she's just plain lazy. Always the same. We always end up re-scheduling 3-4 times.

Had a superb stayed-out night with Bee, Bao and Joy hanging around the basketball court too. The usual, talk and shooting hoops. Mostly talk. But not a very good Monday morning to start with. Sure doesn't feel like a Monday morning at all.

Someone cried.
Another tired and stuck.
One frustrated.
Moi? Stressed for a teeny weeny bit balancing work and social life.
6-7 hrs of smses and calls here and there with various people.
A flooded phone. Thank goodness i charged it in the morning, or it wouldn't survive the afternoon.
Made Yaowei either super embarassed or super angry just earlier on. Think it was more of the first one. I exposed him of something. So that's how we stopped. I will not share it here. ^-^
End.

Have to go through a short meeting later with Ah Bee and his ginahs.
More brainwork.

Bummer.

i.don't.like.cheques

2007-05-03T13:50:00.000+08:00

Bah...Cheques makes me nervous.
Cash makes me more nervous.
And being nervous isn't going to help much. Filled up two wrong cheque-receipts thingy. I really need to get used to filling them up.
I don't make a good bank teller.

I'm craving for fish soup.

Last night was a first. The first Ah Bee and the rest of them saw me sort out an issue.
Apparently, XiaoTong haven't broke up with her boyfriend yet. Why? Because she's afraid he would hit her. Yesterday was the tell-him-the-bad-news day. Why? Because all of us were around to look out for her.
Then there was the talk-things-out and the look-out-for-her and the last-kiss thingy. Yeah, i'm mad at the last-kiss thingy.
For God's sake, you guys just broke up and u guys still think of kissing?!!!? And what's more, right in front of us, not to mention Ah Bee. He was furious enough to kill him! Seriously, if you didn't want to kiss him, you could have shove him off. But you didn't, so your seriously at fault too.

What's up with young girls nowadays? Plus young as in just some 3 years difference!
I almost slapped her. Haha...maybe i should and see what Ah Bee will do after that. Probably we'll end up fighting instead.

And that's not the end. That boy's bringing his older brother down later tonite. All of us will be ready, bring it on!

junkfood.shopping.today

2007-05-02T14:50:00.000+08:00

Two grown men fascinated by fishes. A cute sight.
Earlier on it was vomitting while playing CS, good old army days and singing.
Now, fishes and prawns.
I like these new people in my life.
We just got back from junkfood-shopping which was super cheap.
A month worth of snacks: $30+/-

Still touching up on my personalised blog-page, which i'll be inputing by this week hopefully. Can't get the darn codes for the positioning right.

Labour Day yesterday was lovely. A good combo of bodywork and fun. I love lion dance :) . Ah Bee brought his Xiaotong too. Nice girl, not who i expected to be, which is good.

And i realised something last night. I actually miss chatting with Yaowei. For the past (what?... ) two?, three? days, we'd been sms-ing for some few hours and a sudden stop yesterday night makes me crave for more chitchat. Hey, he's not the chatting type too you know ( maybe that's why i miss it ). Last night was Albert's turn though, got to know him a little better.

Hmm...I wonder what Jason's feeling right now, with all that Joyce-thing going on lately...

Robin's cleaning the don't-know-what generator thingy for the aquarium. Sounds like a cricket choking.

Enough, back to dizzy-ing html codes.

meeting.up

2007-04-30T11:11:00.000+08:00

Robin is doing some funny dance now cause Melvin's in the toilet. We are talking about new office space and bikes. Ubi? Lavender foodcourt? Traffic jams, ST1100? Goldwing! Lol.

Yesterday was one heck of a day.
Celebrated Joyce's 19th birthday yesterday, went to Lot1 with Bao and WeiSheng. Neoprint and sushi buffet at Suki Sushi.

The good: Free flow juices and loads of sushi of course.

The bad: Service and GST price, we had to refill the juices ourselves (and i was doing it alot!) and were charged with some $10 for service and GST -_-" . Well at least my sushi craving's gone.

And then it was one of those nights whereby you sit around with close friends and cry over the sad and happy times being together as a clique, and then waking up the next morning with puffy eyes. Realising how fast time flies is not fun. Makes me feel old. And i'm only 17 ongoing.

Was smsing Yaowei in the MRT, talking about dreaming, the ever so cool Ye WeiSheng from Kun Shan, Yaowei planning to be friends with him and being cooler than him got me thinking:

A man's attitude towards a woman is definately different from how he acts amoung his close friends and 'brothers'.
So who do we actually fall in love with? The man who treats us right or the man who hangs around with his buddies? Or both?
Do we actually consider these factors when we love them?
Does it really affect the relationship when we decide?
And women? Do guys like the bitchiness in us all?
Could we really change such characteristics for the one we love? Or do we merely suspress them from surfacing?

the.end.times

2007-04-27T16:50:00.000+08:00

It's the end of my i-don't-have-time-to-blog days. I have loads of time now. Seriously, loads! Unless i don't want to of course.

I like my new job, really. But it's too...D.I.Y. I mean, i'm left with Gary (the colleague from China who speaks Singlish cos' he's been arnd in Singapore for quite some time now) who's asleep in his chair while i'm doing this post! And i have a performance in what?...some one hour later at Raffles Convention Centre. And Robin (the second boss who's as crappy and nutsy as Jason at times and still likable) allowed me to leave early! Did i mention how much i like this job?!!

Learned what happened to Maggie (the previous asst whoose place i'm sitting at now). She's played with drugs. That was it. I thought she did a mistake to the company or something. Robin told her she had to go and off she went. The obvious Melvin's (the first boss who's so Yao Wei) still bumped about it. Bet he really liked her as the asst then.

Note to self:
Maggie -touchy topic to Melvin

Okay, Gary's awake. And i just realised the rain stopped. I really gotta go find something to do. Think i will go feed the pig-nose turtle.